The road not taken…

Sunflowers in the Morning

Life sometimes seems like one unknown set of crossroads after the other. Which path to take? Is this the road of my life’s journey? Why don’t I have the certainty that others have?

I want to be able to say with authority and joy – “THIS is what I do.” “I conduct wild experiments in my research lab to find a cure for X.” Or “I create urban communities that embrace a wide diversity of people and environments.” Maybe, “I run a social organization that does good, has fun, makes money – and  teaches people how to the same.” Or maybe ‘I dig up and study ancient civilizations.” How about, “I travel and explore all kinds of cultures around the world.” Wouldn’t this be fun – “I’m a rock star.” I can see myself choosing any of these roads. Or, maybe closer to what I feel drawn to is, “I create artistic multi-media stories.” Why do others seem to simply know what it is they love, what they’re meant to do – and do it? And I, apparently, don’t?

I spend waste so much time questioning and searching for the “right” path to follow. Does such a thing even exist? I know in my heart of hearts I don’t want to continue down the practical, respectable, accepted path of accounting and finance that I’ve somehow found myself on and instead, I want to kick up my heels and plunge down the more fun, more adventurous, more uncertain path of being an artist, a writer, a photographer, a filmmaker. A storyteller.

There isn’t a magical secret to my choice. I already know the answer. And yet still I persist in clinging to the thought, “I should do the practical thing. I need the income. Besides, I really like the people I’m working with and what they stand for. That counts for something, right?”

Yes, of course. And no, not at all! Ah, there’s the rub. Everything and and nothing makes sense. As someone with a nice grasp of reality once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over – and expecting different results.” Ah. So true. To change my life, I have to change my life. Really, it’s so simple, isn’t it?

So, maybe now I’ll follow my little brother’s advice and choose “the road less taken.” I still hear him saying this, always with a quiet smile. It worked for him. Why not me?

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